Lebensmüde
by LadyCookieCupcake
Summary: "Hey Pete." / a phone call in the middle of the night. [T for minor swearing]


**Title** : Lebensmüde

 **Author** : LadyCookieCupcake

 **Pairing(s)/Character(s)** : Peter Parker/Unnamed Narrator, Peter Parker & Unnamed Narrator.

 **Warnings** : Read with your tissues at the ready!

 **Spoilers** : Infinity War: Part 1

 **Rating** : Gen

 **Word Count** : 615

 **Summary** : _"Hey Pete." / a phone call in the middle of the night. [T for minor swearing]_

 **Author's Note:** Set after Infinity War (Part 1). Picture Peter as whoever you want. There's also another warning I should put but it's sort of a spoiler, though if you've seen Infinity War, you should probably be able to guess what it is. Also, little random fact - Dolores is Spanish for 'sorrow'. Self-beta'd. Unnamed female point of view(can be read as either the reader, an OC of yours or just an unnamed character).

 **Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction – none of this ever happened and will never happen (though I can dream). No copyright infringement is intended.

 _Lebensm_ _üde (German):_

' _Life tired'_

"Hey, Pete."

She wasn't sure why she was doing this. It wasn't going to accomplish anything; it wouldn't make them stop, it wouldn't bring help. All she was doing is listening to the sound of her own voice and honestly...it wasn't helping.

She didn't stop though. It was like her voice was stuck on repeat and neither the pause or skip button were working, the same words just flowing from her mouth every time she opened it, over and over and over and over until- until nothing, really. Until the universe crumbled.

Until _she_ crumbled.

"It's me - obviously. Who else would be calling you at three in the morning?" A chuckle escapes her lips. It sounds dead to her ears.

"I- um- I don't know what to say. What _can_ I say? It's just- it's, um, happening again, is all and I...I don't know what to do." She pauses, eyes falling to the ground of her bedroom door. She notices the pile of clothes she'd thrown down as soon as she had come in. She should probably clean that up.

"I don't even know why I'm doing this. Maybe I just like the sound of my own voice. Maybe I just wish I could replace it with yours. You always knew- know what to say. Even when you thought you didn't, even when you _really_ didn't, just hearing you _speak_ helped. You could've been talking about your science projects - you know, the ones I never really understood -and I would've loved it. Just- just hearing _you_ -," Her voice breaks suddenly and she looks up in bewilderment.

There was a blur in front of her eyes. She blinks once, twice, three times and feel the wet slide of tears break free.

A hand flies to her cheeks, wiping them away before she realises what she's doing. Stop. She looks away.

"I went to school today." She begins, "I went to school and I did the usual classes. Mrs Matterson was teaching science; she's just come back from maternity leave. She has such a beautiful baby girl - she named her Dolores." _It's fitting_. "She's fine, the baby's healthy. Mrs Matterson misses-."

She clenches her jaw.

"I thought I was prepared for the normality of it all, you know. It shouldn't be hard, going back to that hellhole. It wouldn't ever change, no matter what. I wasn't, though. Not really. It was a lot harder than I thought possible. Nothing had changed; the classes were normal, the students and teachers were normal, the decathlon team was normal, even the bloody _bullyin-_!"

A gasp escapes, broken, sobbing. Eyes slip close, breath is slowly released and taken in and then her eyes open once more.

"Maybe that was the problem though. The normality of it all felt... _wrong_. Like a betrayal. It feels bad saying that. Others have moved on, simple as. They're _allowed_ to move on. I'd encourage it, in fact!

Maybe it's jealousy. Maybe it's bitterness. Maybe my heart is just destined to break knowing others have found a purpose and I- well, I haven't. But it's not easy. I've tried. _God_ have I tried! But-!"

She sighs.

"Flash was there at the decathlon hall today. He was his usual dickish self. I don't think he'll ever change but I _really_ could have done without him. Breathing's hard enough without his air polluting it. Though MJ told him to fuck off and for once, he actually listened…

Maybe he isn't as unaffected as he pretends to be."

She blinks.

"I don't think any of us are."

A light flashes in the corner of her eye, bright, distracting. She looks down, back to the phone. It's off, the black screen devoid of anything but her face. She stares back. Her reflection looks so dead to herself.

She looks away, blinks.

Ah, yes, she hadn't even turned her phone on yet… she forgot.

Huh.

Her eyes slip closed and she feels a tremble in her hands. It doesn't stop, no matter how hard her nails bite into her skin.

"Goodbye, Peter."

Maybe, if she kept her eyes closed long enough, she could hear a voice answer back.

Which is silly, of course.

The dead doesn't answer back.


End file.
